The Republic of Ham Island is a mammoth, environmentally stunning nation, remarkable for its pith helmet sales, punitive income tax rates, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 7.809 billion Ham Islandians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Education. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 63.1%.

The all-consuming Ham Islandian economy, worth 869 trillion Golds a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is broadly diversified, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Woodchip Exports, and Uranium Mining. Average income is an impressive 111,335 Golds, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 357,519 per year while the poor average 26,279, a ratio of 13.6 to 1.

Diplomats miss flights while wandering Ham Island City Airport's endless art maze, exorbitant spending on icebreakers breaks the ice at every budget meeting, citizens who leave the nation for work are instantly charged with treason, and new pilots are regularly reminded that they are more expendable than their planes. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ham Island's national animal is the Clam, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans.

Ham Island is ranked 297,343^rd in the world and 496^th in The grimy backyard of Bigej for Nicest Citizens, with 1.16 average smiles per day.